Shame is one of the most challenging emotions trauma survivors face. Unlike guilt, which relates to specific actions (“I did something wrong”), shame attacks the core of our identity (“I am a bad person”). This deep, painful emotion often becomes a barrier to recovery and self-acceptance. Understanding shame and its connection to trauma is essential in shame and trauma recovery.
This article will explain what shame is, how it affects trauma survivors, and practical steps to begin moving beyond it.
What Is Shame? A Key Concept in Shame and Trauma Recovery
Shame is a powerful, self-conscious emotion that makes people feel exposed, flawed, or unworthy. It’s different from guilt, which focuses on specific behaviors, while shame targets the whole self.
Shame evolved as a social emotion to help humans connect and belong. It signals when someone feels judged or excluded by others. However, for trauma survivors, shame often becomes overwhelming and distorted. Trauma—such as abuse, neglect, or betrayal—disrupts a person’s sense of safety and belonging, causing them to internalize shame deeply.
Physiologically, shame can trigger feelings of wanting to hide, avoid eye contact, or shrink away, as if protecting oneself from judgment or rejection. This reaction often leads survivors to isolate themselves, which makes healing harder.
Moreover, societal and cultural stigmas around trauma, mental health, or vulnerability can intensify external shame, compounding the internal shame survivors already feel. Understanding these internal and external layers of shame is crucial in the journey of shame and trauma recovery.
Types of Shame: Internal vs. External Shame in Trauma Survivors
Internal Shame
Internal shame arises from within and involves negative beliefs about oneself. Trauma survivors often develop internal shame because trauma can distort how they view themselves, leading to feelings of unworthiness or self-blame.
External Shame
External shame comes from outside judgments and cultural stigmas that survivors internalize. This type of shame involves feeling judged, rejected, or misunderstood by others because of their trauma or their reactions to it.
Internal and external shame are closely connected. For example, societal stigma (external shame) can reinforce a survivor’s internal feelings of being defective or unworthy, while internal shame can make them more sensitive to how others view them.
Why Shame is Common After Trauma
Trauma often involves loss of control, vulnerability, and betrayal. When people are hurt or abandoned in ways beyond their control, they may look for explanations and, unfortunately, blame themselves. This self-blame can create a toxic cycle where survivors believe the trauma defines their worth, reinforcing shame.
Social stigma and fear of judgment can make survivors hide their experiences, increasing isolation and shame. Additionally, trauma triggers physiological responses like anxiety or numbness, which can confuse survivors and make them feel “broken,” feeding the cycle of shame.
Practical Steps to Work Through Shame in Trauma Recovery
1. Acknowledge Your Shame
Naming shame when it arises reduces its power. Remember, shame is an emotion, not a truth about your worth. Recognizing this helps you approach yourself with compassion instead of judgment.
2. Understand the Origins of Your Shame
Reflect on where your shame comes from—is it tied to trauma, societal expectations, or negative beliefs? Separating shame from your identity helps you see it as a response, not a fact.
3. Practice Emotional Regulation Skills
Techniques like mindfulness, deep breathing, and grounding help manage shame’s overwhelming feelings. These skills create space to explore your feelings calmly and thoughtfully.
4. Set Boundaries Around Shame Triggers
Identify people or situations that increase your shame. Communicate your needs clearly and protect yourself by limiting exposure to harmful influences or unrealistic expectations.
5. Challenge Self-Critical Thoughts
When shameful thoughts arise, question their truth. Ask yourself who defines your worth and whether harsh self-judgment is fair. Replacing negative beliefs with self-compassion builds resilience and reduces shame.
Shame and trauma recovery go hand in hand. Understanding shame as a complex, learned response—not a permanent state—can empower survivors to reclaim their self-worth and build healthier relationships with themselves and others. Through awareness, compassion, and practical tools, healing from shame is possible.
For more detailed information on trauma and its effects, you can visit the National Institute of Mental Health’s page on PTSD
About the Author
Dr. Pauline Chiarizia is a Counselling Psychologist specializing in trauma and eating disorders. She provides online therapy and EMDR to help individuals break free from unhelpful patterns, build resilience, and develop self-trust for a fuller, more connected life.
English