Perfectionism is often praised on the surface, organised, driven, high standards, but inside it can feel like constant pressure. No matter what you achieve, it never feels enough. Your mind doesn’t rest, mistakes feel dangerous, and self-worth becomes tied to performance. Perfectionism isn’t about wanting to do well, it’s about fearing what happens if you don’t.
What Perfectionism Really Feels Like
Perfectionism is not a personality trait, it’s a coping strategy. It may show up as:
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Having a harsh inner critic
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Overworking to avoid feeling guilty or “lazy”
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Difficulty finishing projects due to fear of mistakes
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Struggling to rest or switch off
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Procrastination caused by fear of failure
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Feeling anxious about being judged
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Being overly self-critical or sensitive to feedback
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Feeling inadequate despite your achievements
Where Perfectionism Comes From
Perfectionism is often rooted in early emotional experiences. It can develop when love, safety, or approval had to be earned. Common origins include:
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Growing up with criticism or high expectations
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Being praised only for achievements, not for who you were
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Emotional neglect or feeling unseen
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Taking on responsibility too young
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Fear of failure due to past shame or rejection
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Chaotic environments where control became a form of safety
Over time, perfectionism becomes a survival strategy, a way to avoid rejection, shame, or emotional pain.
Trauma and Perfectionism
For many people, perfectionism is linked to unresolved trauma. Trauma isn’t only extreme events, it can be the slow impact of emotional disconnection or constantly feeling “not enough.” These experiences shape beliefs like:
“If I get everything right, I’ll be safe.”
“If I achieve more, I’ll be worthy.”
“If I’m perfect, no one can criticise me.”
Therapy helps shift these painful patterns. When trauma plays a role, I may integrate EMDR therapy to safely process the emotional roots that perfectionism is protecting.
How Therapy Helps
Together, we will:
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Understand the emotional drivers behind your perfectionism
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Reduce shame, fear of failure and self-criticism
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Develop healthier boundaries and self-respect
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Learn how to feel safe without overworking or overachieving
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Build genuine inner confidence and emotional grounding
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Replace perfectionism with self-trust and emotional freedom
My approach is integrative and trauma-informed, combining relational therapy, EMDR, emotional regulation and self-compassion work.
You Don’t Have to Keep Proving Yourself
Perfectionism gives the illusion of control, but it often leads to anxiety, burnout, and emotional disconnection. You deserve a life that isn’t driven by pressure or fear.
If you’d like to explore working together, I offer a free 15-minute telephone chat to help you decide if therapy feels like the right step.
→ Book a free telephone chat or your assessment session
— Dr Pauline Chiarizia
Online Therapy for Perfectionism | EMDR & Trauma Specialist
