For many people, the link between perfectionism, food struggles, and trauma isn’t obvious at first. On the surface, it can look like “just being disciplined” or “having high standards.” However, beneath those patterns lies something deeper. These behaviors often reflect survival strategies formed after trauma. When perfectionism, food struggles, and trauma overlap, they create the perfect storm, trapping people in cycles of shame, restriction, and self-criticism.
Here are five reasons why these three forces connect so strongly:
1. Trauma Teaches Survival Through Control
When someone experiences trauma, especially in childhood, their nervous system learns that the world can be unpredictable and unsafe. One way to cope is by finding control wherever possible, and for many, that control shows up in their own body.
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Perfectionism becomes a way to control performance and avoid mistakes.
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Food struggles (restriction, overeating, rigid rules) become a way to control the body or emotions.
Both strategies are attempts to create safety in an environment that once felt dangerous.
2. Perfectionism Reinforces Self-Criticism
Trauma often leaves behind negative beliefs like “I’m not good enough” or “It’s my fault.” Perfectionism steps in as a way to cope: “If I’m flawless, no one will hurt me, leave me, or criticize me again.” But perfectionism sets impossible standards. And when those standards aren’t met, food often becomes the battleground where self-punishment plays out:
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Skipping meals or restricting after a perceived “failure.”
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Overeating as a way to numb shame.
Perfectionism fuels food struggles, and food struggles reinforce perfectionism.
3. Food Rules, Trauma, and the Hidden Emotional Pain
Research shows that disordered eating behaviors often serve as emotion regulation strategies. Trauma survivors may use food restriction to numb overwhelming feelings or binge eating to soothe them. Perfectionism makes this worse by adding rigid “food rules”: “I can’t eat carbs,” “I have to earn my meals,” or “I’m only good if I stick to my plan.” When those rules are broken, shame spikes, and trauma patterns of self-blame resurface.
4. The Nervous System Gets Stuck in Survival Mode
Hypervigilance (a common trauma symptom) keeps the nervous system on high alert. In this state, the body prioritizes survival, not flexibility.
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With perfectionism: This shows up as constant scanning for mistakes or flaws.
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With food: It looks like obsessing over calories, weight, or meal timing.
When the body feels unsafe, rigidity feels protective. Unfortunately, this survival response keeps people stuck in cycles that harm both mind and body.
5. Healing Trauma to Break Free from Perfectionism and Food Struggles
The overlap of perfectionism, food struggles, and trauma doesn’t mean someone is “broken” : it means their body and mind found adaptive ways to survive. But survival mode isn’t meant to last forever.
As trauma is addressed, the nervous system learns that the danger has passed. Safety returns, and the grip of perfectionism and food rules begins to loosen. Eating becomes more about nourishment and pleasure than control. Self-worth becomes less tied to flawless performance. The body shifts from a battlefield into a place of belonging.
How EMDR Therapy Helps Heal Trauma
One of the most effective trauma treatments available today is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). EMDR works by helping the brain reprocess distressing memories so they no longer carry the same emotional intensity.
Here’s why EMDR is so powerful in breaking the “perfect storm” of trauma, perfectionism.
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Targets root memories: EMDR goes beyond surface behaviors (like food rules) to the traumatic experiences that fuel them.
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Releases negative beliefs: Many clients carry perfectionistic thoughts like “I’ll never be enough.” EMDR helps replace them with healthier beliefs, such as “I did the best I could” or “I am worthy as I am.”
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Reduces body-based distress: Trauma is stored not just in the mind but also in the body. EMDR helps releasing physical tension linked to perfectionism and hypervigilance.
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Restores balance: As memories are reprocessed, the nervous system gradually shifts out of survival mode. This creates space for flexibility, self-compassion, and freedom with food.
Final Thoughts
Perfectionism, food struggles, and trauma are deeply interconnected. Trauma creates the need for control, perfectionism raises the stakes, and food becomes the arena where it all plays out. Together, they create the perfect storm. The good news is that storms pass. With the right support, healing trauma doesn’t just bring emotional relief; it transforms how you relate to your body, your food, and yourself.
About the Author
Dr. Pauline Chiarizia is a Counselling Psychologist specialising in trauma and eating disorders. She offers online therapy and EMDR for individuals who are ready to explore themselves more deeply, break free from unhelpful patterns, and address challenges like anxiety, depression, trauma, low self-esteem, and burnout.
Dr. Chiarizia helps you develop resilience, strengthen self-trust, and build the confidence to navigate life’s challenges: personally and professionally. Her approach empowers clients to cope with adversity while also being fully present for moments of joy, love, and connection.
She offers therapy online, based in London, and is available to clients across the UK, EU, and US.