Do you ever feel like no matter how much you do, it’s never enough? For many people, this constant pressure comes from perfectionism and anxiety working hand in hand. From the outside, perfectionism can look like dedication or high standards. But inside, it often feels like relentless worry, tension, and self-criticism.
Perfectionism isn’t just about doing your best. It’s often a protective strategy, a way to feel safe, accepted, or in control. While it may once have helped you cope, over time perfectionism fuels anxiety, stress, and exhaustion. The good news is that by understanding its roots and exploring approaches such as EMDR therapy, you can begin to break free.
Why Perfectionism Feels Protective
Perfectionism rarely develops without reason. It often begins as a survival mechanism, shaped by past experiences or environments.
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Shield Against Criticism : “If I do everything right, no one can hurt me.”
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Path to Approval : “If I achieve enough, I’ll be loved and accepted.”
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Illusion of Control : “If I don’t make mistakes, I can prevent bad things from happening.”
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Avoiding Vulnerability :“If I’m perfect, no one will see the parts of me I fear are unworthy.”
In these ways, perfectionism works like armour. It once served a purpose by helping you feel safe, but over time it becomes a burden that fuels perfectionism and anxiety.
How Perfectionism and Anxiety Feed Each Other
The same behaviours that once protected you often become the very source of stress.
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Fear of failure creates persistent worry and self-doubt.
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The bar is always moving, so achievements never bring relief.
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Procrastination and avoidance build guilt, which increases stress.
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The nervous system rarely rests, fuelling physical symptoms like racing thoughts, tense muscles, or fatigue.
This cycle of perfectionism and anxiety leaves many people feeling trapped and unable to enjoy life fully.
The Link Between Trauma, Perfectionism, and Anxiety
Perfectionism is often rooted in unresolved trauma or early life experiences that shaped how you see yourself. Trauma doesn’t always mean a single catastrophic event. It can also mean repeated experiences of criticism, rejection, or instability that left lasting emotional imprints.
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Childhood criticism or high expectations may create the belief: I must be perfect to avoid punishment.
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Conditional love or approval can teach: I am only lovable when I succeed.
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Instability or loss may fuel the belief: If I control everything, nothing bad will happen.
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Bullying or rejection often leaves behind: I need to hide my flaws to be accepted.
These experiences can shape deep-seated beliefs that continue to drive perfectionism and anxiety years later. Because these beliefs are stored in the brain and body, talk therapy alone isn’t always enough.
How EMDR Therapy Can Help with Perfectionism and Anxiety
What is EMDR?
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a structured, evidence-based therapy designed to help people process memories that remain “stuck.” Using guided eye movements or gentle bilateral stimulation, EMDR helps the brain release the emotional intensity of past experiences so they no longer fuel perfectionism and anxiety.
What to Expect in EMDR Therapy
Many people feel nervous before starting therapy, especially if perfectionism has taught them they must “do it right.” The first sessions of EMDR focus on safety and trust. You’ll learn grounding techniques and coping strategies so you feel prepared before any deeper processing begins. When the time is right, I will guide you through reprocessing specific memories or beliefs, such as “I’m not good enough” , at a pace that feels safe and manageable. Over time, these old patterns lose their intensity, and healthier beliefs can take root.
Why EMDR Works for Perfectionism and Anxiety
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Heals the Roots : EMDR targets the experiences that fuel perfectionism, reducing their emotional hold.
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Calms Anxiety : By soothing the body’s fight-or-flight response, EMDR helps reduce physical symptoms of stress.
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Reframes Core Beliefs : Clients often shift from harsh self-criticism to more compassionate self-perceptions.
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Supports Authentic Living : With old triggers softened, life feels less pressured and more authentic.
Moving Beyond Perfectionism
Perfectionism may have protected you once, but it doesn’t have to define you forever. By addressing its roots and working through unresolved experiences, it is possible to reduce anxiety, quieten the inner critic, and live with greater ease. With support from therapies like EMDR therapy, you can move beyond the cycle of perfectionism and anxiety and embrace a life that feels calmer, freer, and more authentic.
About the Author
Dr. Pauline Chiarizia is a Counselling Psychologist specialising in trauma and eating disorders. She offers online therapy and EMDR for individuals who are ready to explore themselves more deeply, break free from unhelpful patterns, and address challenges like anxiety, depression, trauma, low self-esteem, and burnout.
Dr. Chiarizia helps you develop resilience, strengthen self-trust, and build the confidence to navigate life’s challenges: personally and professionally. Her approach empowers clients to cope with adversity while also being fully present for moments of joy, love, and connection.
She offers therapy online, based in London, and is available to clients across the UK, EU, and US.