Coping with stress is one of the biggest challenges we face in modern life. When things feel overwhelming, many people instinctively try to “get back to normal.” They return to familiar routines—exercise, journaling, meal prepping—believing these habits will help.
But research shows that under pressure, the brain and body function differently. What worked in calmer times may not meet your current needs. Forcing yourself back into old routines can increase frustration and guilt instead of relief. The key is not rigidity, but psychological flexibility : the ability to adapt your coping strategies to your present circumstances.
Why Old Self-Care Routines Stop Working When Coping With Stress
Stress activates the body’s survival system: cortisol rises, the amygdala fires, and the nervous system shifts into fight-or-flight. Cognitively, focus narrows and decision-making becomes harder. That means routines that once felt supportive, like an hour-long workout or a long meditation session, may now feel impossible. Forcing yourself to maintain them can turn self-care into another stressor. Instead of relief, you may experience more overwhelm. This isn’t failure. It’s simply a sign that your body and mind need a different approach to coping with stress.
Psychological Flexibility: An Evidence-Based Way of Coping With Stress
Psychological flexibility is a core principle in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It refers to adjusting thoughts and behaviors in response to the moment, rather than rigidly sticking to what “should” work. Examples:
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Replacing a run with a 10-minute walk when you’re exhausted
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Choosing a simple, nourishing meal instead of cooking from scratch
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Taking three mindful breaths instead of forcing a long meditation
Psychological flexibility makes self-care realistic during high stress. Instead of abandoning your routines, you adapt them so they fit your current capacity.
Evidence-Based Strategies for Coping With Stress
1. Make Small Spaces for Your Feelings
One of the most important parts of coping with stress is giving yourself permission to feel what’s happening inside you. When you’re overwhelmed, it’s tempting to push emotions down and “power through.” But suppressing feelings doesn’t make them go away, it usually makes them show up later in stronger, more disruptive ways.
Making small, intentional spaces to notice your emotions helps prevent this. That might look like pausing for two minutes to check in with yourself between tasks, taking a few slow breaths in the car before going inside, or jotting down a single sentence about how you feel.
You don’t need an hour-long journaling practice or a full meditation session. The goal is to acknowledge what’s there, even briefly, so emotions don’t accumulate and spill out in ways that feel harder to manage.
This practice builds emotional regulation by teaching your brain that feelings can be observed without being avoided or acted on immediately. Over time, even these micro-moments help reduce stress intensity and improve resilience.
2. Reframe What It Means to “Feel Your Feelings”
Feeling your feelings doesn’t mean spiraling. It doesn’t mean getting lost in them or letting them take over your day. Instead, it’s about creating a pause to notice: “This is what I’m experiencing right now.” You don’t need to analyze or fix it : just acknowledge it.
This kind of gentle noticing tells your nervous system that the emotion is tolerable, which decreases the physiological stress response (less adrenaline, lower muscle tension). In therapy, we often describe this as learning to “surf the wave” of an emotion rather than fighting it. The wave will rise and fall, and by staying present, you show yourself that feelings can be managed without avoidance.
By reframing emotions this way, you begin to view them not as threats but as signals, information about what matters to you. That shift reduces fear of feelings and builds long-term resilience.
3. Adapt to Your Current Needs
When you’re under stress, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing you should be able to function exactly as you did before. You might think, “I used to handle this without a problem, why can’t I now?” But stress affects the nervous system, executive functioning, and energy levels. What you need in the middle of a stressful season may be very different from what supported you before.
Instead of holding yourself to past expectations, ask: What are my top three needs right now? Then focus on meeting those, even in simple ways.
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If you’re exhausted, rest might take priority over productivity.
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If cooking feels overwhelming, choosing easy, nourishing food is still self-care.
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If a full workout is too much, a 10-minute walk or stretch can be enough.
Adapting in this way is not “doing less”, it’s practicing psychological flexibility. You’re responding to your current capacity instead of forcing yourself into routines that no longer fit. Meeting yourself where you are reduces guilt and supports true regulation, which in turn creates the conditions for resilience and recovery.
4. Notice Anxiety’s “What Ifs” and “Shoulds”
Anxiety often disguises itself in the form of “what if” or “should” thoughts. “What if I fail?” “What if I can’t handle this?” “I should be doing more.” These thoughts may sound rational, but they usually reflect the brain’s stress response rather than objective reality.
From a psychological perspective, this pattern is called cognitive distortion; ways of thinking that keep the nervous system activated and fuel further anxiety. When you’re caught inside these loops, it’s easy to mistake them for facts.
One helpful technique comes from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): cognitive defusion. Instead of saying, “I can’t cope,” you reframe it as, “I’m having the thought that I can’t cope.” This subtle shift creates distance between you and the thought. You move from being inside the anxious story to observing it as a mental event.
That distance matters. It reduces the thought’s intensity, gives you room to choose a more balanced response, and helps you regulate stress more effectively. Over time, noticing and reframing “what ifs” and “shoulds” builds resilience and keeps anxiety from running the show.
When to Consider Therapy for Stress or Anxiety
Chronic stress is linked to higher risks of anxiety, depression, sleep disturbances, and physical health issues.
Therapy can reduce these risks and provide practical tools for regulation and resilience.
You may benefit from therapy if you notice:
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Stress or anxiety lasting weeks without improvement
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Difficulty concentrating, sleeping, or completing daily tasks
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Feeling emotionally overwhelmed or disconnected
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Physical symptoms like headaches, fatigue, or muscle tension
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Cycles of “what ifs” and “shoulds” dominating your thoughts
Evidence-based therapies such as CBT, ACT, and mindfulness-based interventions have been shown to reduce stress and anxiety effectively. Importantly, you don’t need to wait until symptoms are severe. Early support can prevent escalation and help you regain stability more quickly.
About the Author
Dr. Pauline Chiarizia is a Counselling Psychologist specialising in trauma and eating disorders. She offers online therapy and EMDR for individuals who are ready to explore themselves more deeply, break free from unhelpful patterns, and address challenges like anxiety, depression, trauma, low self-esteem, and burnout.
Dr. Chiarizia helps you develop resilience, strengthen self-trust, and build the confidence to navigate life’s challenges: personally and professionally. Her approach empowers clients to cope with adversity while also being fully present for moments of joy, love, and connection.
She offers therapy online, based in London, and is available to clients across the UK, EU, and US.