Therapy can feel like an intimidating word. A lot of people imagine it means sitting in a room talking about your childhood for years, or only seeking help when things have hit breaking point. That’s not how I work — and it’s not what therapy needs to be.
As a counselling psychologist, I see therapy as a space that’s collaborative, thoughtful, and tailored to your needs. It isn’t about fixing you — it’s about creating space to think, feel, understand, and respond differently.
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Therapy Isn’t About Being Happy — It’s About Being Real
One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy is that it’s about learning to be happy. But the truth is, many people come to therapy when they’re overwhelmed by emotions they don’t know how to manage — anxiety, sadness, anger, shame, exhaustion.
We’re often taught to avoid these feelings, to get on with things, to stay strong. Over time, this can create patterns of emotional suppression or coping strategies that work short-term but cause issues later on — like burnout, emotional shutdown, or persistent anxiety.
Therapy offers an opportunity to sit with what’s painful — not to make it disappear, but to recognise that you can experience discomfort and still move forward. Developing this capacity to tolerate difficult emotions is central to psychological flexibility and mental health (Barlow et al., 2004).
It’s Also Practical — Not Just Insightful
A good therapy process helps you make sense of your emotional landscape, yes — but it also gives you tools to navigate it better. That might include:
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Learning how to regulate your nervous system during moments of high stress
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Setting boundaries with yourself and others without guilt or shame
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Managing anxious thoughts without spiralling
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Responding with self-respect instead of self-criticism
In short, therapy helps you build emotional resilience — your ability to stay steady when life becomes unpredictable. Research supports this: resilience is not fixed; it can be developed with the right strategies and support (Southwick & Charney, 2012).
Therapy Can Help You Understand What’s Driving the Pattern
Sometimes, people come to therapy knowing something isn’t working — they feel stuck, overwhelmed, or disconnected — but they can’t name why.
Often, the issue is linked to unprocessed earlier experiences. These don’t have to be extreme to have impact. Many of us carry relational or emotional patterns that formed in response to earlier pain, and continue to play out in how we relate to ourselves and others.
These patterns can affect everything — our confidence, boundaries, relationships, and even career choices. Therapy can help you recognise these patterns and shift them.
It’s Flexible — Not One Size Fits All
You don’t have to arrive in therapy knowing exactly what you want to say. And you don’t need a five-point plan for “fixing” your life.
Therapy can be:
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Weekly or fortnightly, depending on your availability and needs
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Short-term, focused on a specific goal — like managing stress or navigating a life change
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Longer-term, if you’re working through deeper emotional material or identity-related questions
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Structured or open-ended, based on how you prefer to work
Some sessions might involve deeper reflection. Others might be more practical — figuring out how to handle a situation that’s causing you stress right now. All of it is valid. What matters is that it’s useful to you.
When EMDR Is Part of the Process
In some cases, I use EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing) when we’re working with emotionally charged memories or experiences that feel stuck or intrusive.
EMDR is an evidence-based method that helps process past events without needing to retell every detail. It uses bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements) to help the brain integrate difficult experiences in a more adaptive way. The World Health Organization (2013) lists EMDR as a recommended treatment for trauma-related difficulties, and studies show it can be effective not just for trauma, but also for anxiety and low mood (Shapiro, 2017).
It’s not right for everyone — but when appropriate, it can make processing feel more manageable and less verbally overwhelming.
You Don’t Need to Be in Crisis to Come to Therapy
You might not be falling apart — but you’re tired of doing everything alone. You’re coping, but it’s costing you. You’re getting through the days, but you feel distant from yourself. That’s a perfectly valid time to come to therapy.
Therapy isn’t about solving everything at once. It’s about starting where you are — and creating space to think, feel, and choose differently.
About the Author
Dr. Pauline Chiarizia is a Counselling Psychologist specialising in trauma and eating disorders. She offers online talk therapy and EMDR for individuals who are ready to explore themselves more deeply, break free from unhelpful patterns, and address challenges like anxiety, low self-esteem, and burnout.
Dr. Chiarizia helps high-achieving professionals and others develop resilience, strengthen self-trust, and build the confidence to navigate life’s challenges—personally and professionally. Her approach empowers clients to cope with adversity while also being fully present for moments of joy, love, and connection.
She offers therapy online, based in London, and is available to clients across the UK, EU, and US.