Feeling like a burden is a common struggle for many, especially those dealing with anxiety or exhaustion. However, it’s important to understand that overcoming feeling like a burden is possible. This misconception often stems from deep-seated fears and self-critical thoughts that don’t reflect reality. By learning how to challenge these thoughts, you can start to rebuild your confidence and reclaim your peace of mind.
In this article, we will explore why feeling like a burden is common in anxiety, how trauma can contribute to this feeling, and practical tools to help you break free from these self-critical thoughts. We will also touch on how EMDR therapy can support recovery.
Why Anxiety Makes You Feel Like a Burden
Anxiety distorts our thoughts and amplifies fears. When you feel anxious, your brain tends to focus on worst-case scenarios and negative self-judgments. The thought “I’m a burden” often comes from an exaggerated fear of inconveniencing others or being rejected.
For example, you might hesitate to ask a friend for support because you worry you’ll be annoying. Or you might avoid expressing your needs because you fear they will be seen as too demanding. This creates a cycle where you suppress your feelings, leading to more isolation and anxiety.
However, these fears are usually not rooted in reality. People who care about you want to support you, and expressing your needs honestly strengthens relationships rather than burdens them. Recognizing this can be the first step in breaking free from the anxiety-driven lie that you are a burden.
How Trauma Fuels the Feeling of Being a Burden (Often Overlooked)
One of the most important parts of overcoming feeling like a burden is recognizing that these feelings are often rooted in trauma or early life experiences, such as parentification or people-pleasing. Trauma can distort your self-image and make you believe that your needs are inconvenient to others. But healing comes when you begin to see these feelings as separate from your true worth, allowing you to develop healthier boundaries and self-compassion.
Many people who have faced neglect, emotional abuse, or parentification—the role reversal where a child takes on adult responsibilities—carry internalized messages that their needs are unimportant or disruptive. These early experiences teach the brain to associate vulnerability and asking for help with rejection or harm. Over time, this conditioning fuels anxiety and the painful belief that “I’m too much” or “I’m a burden.” Because these patterns start early and become deeply ingrained, they are often overlooked.
When trauma remains unaddressed, it keeps reinforcing negative self-beliefs, making it harder to ask for support or accept kindness. Understanding this connection is essential in reducing anxiety and rebuilding self-worth.
Practical Tools to Challenge the “Burden” Thought
Even though feeling like a burden can be deeply ingrained, there are ways to challenge and change these thoughts.
1. Notice and Name the Thought
Start by simply noticing when the thought “I’m a burden” arises. Naming it as just a thought—not a fact—creates some distance. For example: “I’m having the thought that I’m a burden, but this is just my anxiety talking.”
2. Question the Evidence
Ask yourself: What evidence supports this thought? What evidence contradicts it? Often, you will find little proof that you truly burden others. People often appreciate honesty and want to help.
3. Practice Self-Compassion
Remind yourself that everyone has needs, and needing help does not make you less worthy. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a close friend who felt this way.
4. Take Small Steps to Ask for Support
Start by sharing small needs with trusted people. Notice their positive responses and let that experience challenge your belief.
How EMDR Therapy Can Help Heal the Feeling of Being a Burden
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy is a powerful approach designed to help process and heal the emotional wounds at the root of anxiety and self-critical beliefs.
Because feelings of being a burden often stem from trauma, EMDR can target the traumatic memories that hold these negative beliefs in place. During EMDR sessions, clients focus on distressing memories while simultaneously engaging in bilateral stimulation (like eye movements). This process helps the brain reprocess traumatic memories, reducing their emotional charge and changing the way they are stored.
Through EMDR, the brain learns to see these old memories and beliefs in a new light. What once felt like a harsh truth—“I am a burden”—can shift toward a more balanced and compassionate understanding of self.
Many clients report feeling less anxious, more confident to ask for help, and better able to set healthy boundaries after EMDR therapy. It’s a valuable tool in breaking free from self-critical patterns that anxiety and trauma create.
Final Thoughts
Ultimately, overcoming feeling like a burden involves patience and support. Therapeutic methods such as EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be incredibly effective in helping individuals process trauma that fuels these beliefs. With time, practice, and guidance, you can break free from these limiting thoughts and build a life grounded in self-respect and balance.
Read more about EMDR here.
About the Author
Dr. Pauline Chiarizia is a Counselling Psychologist specialising in trauma and eating disorders. She provides online talk therapy and EMDR for individuals who are ready to explore and understand themselves more deeply, break free from unhelpful patterns that affect their self-esteem and relationships, and overcome burnout. Dr. Chiarizia focuses on helping clients build resilience, develop self-trust, and gain the confidence to navigate life’s challenges. Her approach empowers clients to cope with adversity while being fully present for moments of joy, love, and connection.
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