Do You Often Feel Like You’re Not Enough?
Do you find it difficult to accept love, compliments, or kindness without feeling uneasy or doubting their sincerity? If so, you’re not alone. Many people struggle with these feelings of unworthiness, and often it’s more than just “low self-esteem.” These feelings may stem from early attachment wounds formed in childhood.
In this article, I’ll explain what attachment wounds are, how they affect your self-worth, and how EMDR therapy can help you heal and grow.
What Are Attachment Wounds and How Do They Develop?
Attachment wounds are emotional injuries that develop in the earliest relationships we have, typically with our caregivers or parents. These wounds occur when a child experiences emotional neglect, inconsistency, abandonment, or subtle rejection. The child’s brain, in its developing state, interprets these experiences as threats to safety and survival.
Because children rely heavily on their caregivers for emotional regulation and security, any disruption in this attachment can leave a lasting impact. The brain learns to expect unpredictability or danger in relationships, which deeply shapes how the child views themselves and others.
For more information, you can check the American Psychological Association’s guide on attachment.
Common signs of attachment wounds include:
Attachment wounds are often invisible but can affect many areas of life. Some common signs include:
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Fear of abandonment: You may constantly worry that people will leave or reject you.
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People-pleasing: You might go out of your way to please others, often at the expense of your own needs.
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Difficulty trusting others: Trusting people can feel risky or impossible.
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Feelings of shame or self-blame: You might blame yourself for things going wrong or feel unworthy deep down.
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A deep sense of not being good enough: This is more than occasional doubt—it’s a pervasive feeling that you don’t measure up.
These patterns can quietly persist into adulthood, shaping how you form relationships, handle conflict, and see yourself.
How Early Experiences Affect Your Self-Worth
When you grow up without consistent safety, love, or attention, your brain builds certain beliefs to help you survive. A common belief is: “There’s something wrong with me.” This internal message becomes a filter through which you view your entire life.
Because of this, you might find yourself in relationships that reinforce these feelings of unworthiness. You may avoid intimacy to protect yourself, or you may feel a desperate need for approval to prove you are “enough.” These responses are not personal failures—they are survival strategies your brain created to protect you from further pain.
The good news? Recognizing these patterns is the crucial first step toward healing. Understanding that these feelings are responses, not truths, allows you to develop self-compassion and begin change.
How EMDR Therapy Can Address Attachment Wounds
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) therapy is an evidence-based approach that helps your brain process and heal painful memories and emotions. Unlike traditional talk therapy, EMDR uses gentle eye movements or tapping to help your brain reprocess trauma in a way that reduces emotional distress.
Here’s how EMDR can specifically support healing attachment wounds:
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Access root memories: EMDR helps you revisit early painful experiences that contribute to feelings of unworthiness.
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Reduce emotional intensity: The therapy lessens the emotional charge around these memories, so they feel less overwhelming.
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Change limiting beliefs: EMDR can help you shift from negative self-beliefs like “I’m unlovable” to more balanced and positive ones.
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Build self-kindness: Over time, you develop a more compassionate and realistic view of yourself.
Because attachment wounds often form before we have the words to understand them, EMDR’s non-verbal processing helps reach deep emotional layers that traditional talk therapy might miss.
You’re Not Broken. You’re Wounded.
Feeling unworthy or “not enough” doesn’t mean you’re broken or defective. It means you’ve experienced emotional wounds that need care and healing. EMDR is a proven therapeutic method that can help you move beyond these wounds to find peace, self-acceptance, and healthier relationships. Healing takes time, but with the right support, it is possible to rewrite your internal story and experience life with more confidence and joy.
About the Author
Dr. Pauline Chiarizia is a Counselling Psychologist specialising in trauma and eating disorders. She provides online talk therapy and EMDR for individuals who are ready to explore and understand themselves more deeply, break free from unhelpful patterns that affect their self-esteem and relationships, and overcome burnout. Dr. Chiarizia focuses on helping clients build resilience, develop self-trust, and gain the confidence to navigate life’s challenges. Her approach empowers clients to cope with adversity while being fully present for moments of joy, love, and connection.
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