Starting therapy? 5 things you need to know:   

GET IN TOUCH

1. Tell what you dislike to your therapist
This is very important, because many people disengage from therapy in a way that prevents them from engaging in the therapeutic work. Telling your therapist that you don’t like something or that you have concerns, and then addressing them with him or her, IS the part of therapy you need to make progress. Therapists aren’t mind-readers and, as in any other type of relationship, you need to discuss your concerns rather than automatically withdrawing and abandoning the whole dynamic without trying to figure things out. If you tend to do this in your relationships, this is a perfect practice for you!

2. Be willing to get challenged
Yes, therapy is a place of empathy, understanding and support, but often what holds us back or sustains difficulties is due to the way we contribute to them ourselves. And that’s where many therapists will tap into so you can start making changes. That said, it takes a willingness to look inward and let go of blaming the outside world. You can’t control other behaviours, but how you react to things and how you choose to write your story is totally in your power. Therapy is generally accompanied by a certain degree of discomfort, which is normal.

If you feel that your therapist doesn’t understand you, mention it. However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that your therapist doesn’t understand you at all (although it can sometimes be a mismatch). It can mean that you’re at the heart of the change process – which is always known to be a bit messy. You’re getting rid of old parts of yourself while creating a new you. You may find yourself in that in-between place where some things the therapist is trying to bring out for you make sense, while some other things don’t yet. The key to managing this situation is to talk openly to your therapist about your feelings.

3. Be curious! Instead of seeing therapy as a way of ” fixing ” or ” sorting things out “, try changing your perspective to a more curious approach. Think of therapy as a way of exploring your inner emotional world and experimenting with new understandings about your life.

4. You need to give it time
Give it time. It doesn’t necessarily mean it will take 20 years, but don’t expect magical changes after two sessions or that each session will bring a new epiphany. It is not a linear process. The most important thing is that you commit yourself to the process and do your best to experiment with new perspectives outside the sessions. It’s essential to know that therapy is not just about the sessions, but also about bringing what you’ve explored in the sessions into the outside world.

5. Your relationships may change
It’s not uncommon for your relationships to start changing when you’re in the process of improving your understanding of yourself and therefore your emotional needs. The process of change is always accompanied by an element of mourning for the person you used to be, and this is sometimes also the case with relationships, which either can’t keep up with the change or necessitate modifying the relationship dynamic.

I want to make it clear that mental health professionals will never tell you who you should or shouldn’t be in contact with. But they will help you make decisions for yourself about the kinds of relationships you want in your life, the different kinds of relationships that work for you, and the things you simply can’t make room for anymore. It’s entirely up to you, but this relationship aspect may surface during therapy, and know that this is normal. More importantly, if you feel that addressing certain aspects of therapy may threaten one or more of your relationships and you are therefore reluctant to engage in therapy, mention that too. Don’t keep it to yourself.